Loving you was a dream

 I watched my brother get married today.

My only brother.

They looked deeply into each other's eyes and declared that forever was long enough for them and not a nightmare waiting to unfold.

And I remembered ourselves declaring the same yet failing somewhere along the way. 

I know now that we should have never gone through with it. We were young and in love but not a "match made in heaven" like we had always wished we were.

There is nothing wrong with being with someone for the moments you want to share with someone else. And I never, not once, regretted going to all these beautiful places with you.

I write you these poems, for me. 

I write them to understand and then, hopefully, move on. Not to forget but to remember and think of fondly instead of with pain and heartbreak.

I write these poems for me, not you.

You, the essence, lives on with me, but you the man who was dishonest and horrible and pushed me to the brink... You will never be a part of this poem. You were abandoned the moment I left the house.

I watched my brother and sister-in-law move forward with their lives while I, too, move forward with mine.

Loving you was a dream. 

Living with you was a nightmare.

Good night.

- Nicole xx