You made it look easy

You're the reason I keep stalling.
You're the reason I keep falling.
You're the reason I am crawling.
You're the reason I keep calling.

You're the reason I'm broken inside.
Taped together to stop my cries.
You made it so easy to leave my side.
You made it look easy to forget my eyes.

There was a turning point I thought I could make,
I watched for you to turn but you weren't even awake.
You never looked back, not even a fake.
I prayed for you to care, but there was nothing at stake.

I chased after you instead. It made me look weak.
Desperate even, the outlook seemed bleak.

I didn't care.

I hugged you and you didn't hug me back.
I apologised though I did nothing wrong.
I thought this was the moment where we could fix all the bad.
But this was just the moment where everything was gone.

It was always me, asking and wanting.
It was always me, pushing and prodding.
You didn't make an effort, you didn't want to stay.
The signs were all there but I looked the other way.

I chased after you, but it didn't seem fair.

The truth was, you just...
                                                              didn't care.

silence

For us,
Silence was everything.
We didn't fill it with just anything  
Only the most important and
Precious things.
We filled our silence with
Our heartbeats
Our breaths
The sound the rain made outside as it hits the Ground.
We didn't need noise
Or clutter
Or meaningless babble.
We only needed silence.
And in that, we told each other
Everything.
It filled the spaces between us
And between the gaps in our hearts
And around our rib cages
And filled the spaces in our heads where
We didn't know there were spaces before.
Our silence spoke to us
And it revealed our souls.
It revealed us.

sweet senses

I like the taste of brewed coffee to heighten my senses each morning.
I like the taste of your tongue as it mixes with mine.

I like the smell of a freshly peeled mandarin as it clings to my fingers.
I like the smell of your cologne hanging onto your skin.

I like the touch of my warm coat as I throw it over my shoulders.
I like the touch of your hands underneath it that chill me to my core.

I like the sound of my favourite song coming on the radio.
I like the sound of you calling Bye, Darling to me as I leave.

I like the look of the sun rising, slowly getting brighter as I drive on.
I like the look of you standing there, ruffled hair and pants hanging low.

I like the feeling I get when I think of you, when I think of coming home to you.
I like the feeling you give me when I know I'll see you soon.

Every morning and every evening, for the rest of our lives.

Good morning, Darling.

History Repeats

I'm stuck on repeat
I'm losing my nerve
I wish that you had me
instead of this girl
I'm doing it wrong
It doesn't make sense
I wish I had you and
that life made sense

History repeats
I'm doing it wrong
again and again
I keep going along
full of regrets
tell me the price
I've ruined it all
give me advice

If history repeats
if history is wrong
I'll make it again
I'll go it alone
I'm stuck on repeat
I'm losing my nerve
if history repeats
i'll be out on the curb.

For the one who holds my heart

Listen

For the one who holds my heart

I ask you to take care

I may seem like a fearless one

But my head is unaware

With what it's like to love someone

As important as you

So hold on to me with all you got

Because I'm glad I've found you

Every Day

Every day I start a new
Line
A new thought
A new beginning
A better ending.

Every day I try to begin
Again
With hope
With trust
With possibility.

Every day will be
Filled
With love
With adventure
With friends.

Every day I am here
Is perfect
Is different
Is amazing.

More

Sometimes what we wish for is not truly what we need.

Sometimes what we wanted was nothing more than greed.

Sometimes what we ask for doesn't always feel so good

Because it wasn't needed, only gotten 'cause we could.

Corrupting moulded minds with items to possess.
Things are piling all around us and filling up our heads
with pointless rules and pointy tools. We're nothing more than sheep.
Hold on to what you value: the end takes what we keep.

Sacred in our hearts. Nothing last so long.
Sometimes what we wish for had gotten us so wrong.
Deeper in the thick of it, loving what we'll lose.
What more can we ask for? We're always gonna choose

More.

Blur

Swinging swiftly, I throw back my head.
The world's upside down, yet it still makes sense.
It blurs right past me but I remain on track:
Forwards, frontwards, backwards, back.

I kick my legs and hold on tight.
I swing with freedom and all that's right.
The birds join in with their flapping wings.
I feel like flying, but instead I sing.

I let my voice flow, like a running tap.
It streams through the wind, no sense of a map.
No pattern is needed, no real words said.
Just the swaying sounds of nature and the trees overhead.

Letting go of my grip, and putting trust in the ground,
I leap from my haven with a final sharp sound.
Everything is quiet, as the song came to a close.
Now to face all reality and break the blur that arose.

Like Crazy

My heart isn't in my rib cage where it used to be
And it's not on my sleeve where I left it.
Somewhere down the line I gave it away

To someone who needed it more than me.
I didn't even realise what I was doing
Or how I was affecting myself and them.
Sometimes you just do things because
They must be done.
And they must be done now.

Sometimes all I want to do is be with you.
The waiting around kills me but I know this is
Next to nothing of what I put you through.
So I deserve it. All of it. I know.
But knowing that only makes it mildly better.

I have so much free time now
And I spend it thinking of you
And what we would be doing right now if you were here.
I think about the future. Our future.
And I imagine me making you pancakes in our kitchen
And cuddling up on our couch, in our house,
Watching reruns of Doctor Who.
And I think about how I got here but I don't remember.
You have become my obsession.
And I know I have become yours.

Lighthouse

I listen to the sea erupt
so very late at night.
I listen to the crashing of the waves
as the shore puts up a fight.

I make my way across the floor.
It's icy on my feet.
The socks leave little warmth inside
as I take my window seat.

I can see the war in front of me;
It rages with no end.
But come morning light, they'll call a truce
and realise they are friends.

With a last look out my window
and a last listen to the wrath,
I tiptoe back to the warmth,
following the same path.

The sounds start to dissipate;
the smell of salt begins to fade.
My eyes are closing, heavy now;
the darkness starts to invade.

There's a wild place beyond this tower
but I am safe inside my bed.
Only sounds and sights can enter here;
my home is safer than my head.

I listen to the sea erupt,
it's almost morning now.
I drift off back to sleep once more
as the seas begin their bow.

My Lullaby

I want to fall asleep talking to you

Listening to the sound of your voice

Tickle my ears and warm my insides.

I want to melt under your touch

As you trace patterns on my skin

Down my back, across my arms

Gently dancing delicately through my mind

As I drift off into nothingness.

This is my lullaby.

You are my lullaby.

In My Veins

The last time I saw him, he was broken.
His insides had leaked out
and I saw him for what he now was—
For what he had always been.

I cut him away, like he had cut me;
I had copied him like a machine.
I followed in his footsteps, like I always had.
I was pasted in his veins and I should have known
that he was stuck for all eternity in mine.

He still looked beautiful as he bled into my heart.
He still looked astounding as I tried to sew him back together.
Nothing worked and I was left with a shadow;
a mere image of him that used to be so much more.

We had dreamt. We had imagined our lives.
He told me his last stories for the last time
as I watched him speak his last words,
and then finally . . . his last breath.

I felt the privilege and then I felt the guilt.
I held his torn heart as his love overflowed.
It was too late though.

He was in my veins
and there was no getting him out.
He was the love of my life
and I had watched him drown.

I've Got So Much To Tell You

I've got so much to tell you.
I have so much to share.
I'd rather say in person, though
better now than when you're not there.

I've got so much to tell you.
I don't know where to start.
I'm married with four children
And people buy my art.

I've got so much to tell you.
My job's skyrocketed through the roof.
I've learnt how to knit
And made something just for proof.

I've got so much to tell you.
It has been far too long.
I built a house from nothing.
Bricks and pieces never wrong.

I've got so much to tell you.
Most importantly I'm great.
I'm happier than I've ever been,
I'm glad to tell you now instead of wait.

...

I had so much to tell you.
But I waited too long to share.
I wish that you were here,
I wish that you could care

That now I have a family
Just like you always wished.
And now I am everything
That you wanted on your list.

I'm sorry that I can't tell you
In person, face to face.
But I know that you can hear me
And am proud of what I've made.

Liar

I did not tell him that I loved him.
He knew I did but doesn't know I do.
I wanted to ask about his day
But I sat there, thinking it too soon.

I did not tell him of the cheating.
He only knew about half the truth.
I did not mention all the tears.
I did not think I owed him proof.

I did not tell him that I lied
About the things I used to do.
I did not tell him of the anger
That I felt towards him too.

I did not tell him of the presents
That I put so much time into.
I did not tell him of the presence
He made in my life on cue.

All these things I did not share with him
Seem awful all at once.
But I wanted to protect him
From all the hurtful things I'd done.

I guess that's why it ended
And why it never would have last.
For I am a great, big Liar
And he was nothing but the past.

[You were] a rose

You were a rose

Wound tightly around my heart

I was captured by your sweet

Smell and the red of your

Petals and the soft brushes of your

Leaves. That I didn't notice

Your thorns digging in

Until I had to pull them out

By myself. One by one...

Small Moments

Listen

we sit in bed reading

there is a space between us

as we nudge towards the light

transfixed by our own stories

but play footsies under the covers

I turn to him and smile

as his eyes move slowly from his 

page to meet mine

I kiss him like the protagonist kissed 

her prince in the book I'm reading

I want him in that moment

I want our story to be in a book

to be remembered for all the 

small moments we make

in our ever-vast universe of Life.

Like a dream

This is the place where we used to go

where the trees were as green as your eyes.

But now the dusty soil has overcome it all

and we have been forced out like flies.

This is the place that we used to know

where the sky was as blue as the sea.

But now we are left with mere echoes

And they, too 

                         f
                                             d
                               a
                                                      e
   
                                                             like a dream.

Growing Up

Listen

School nights turn into week nights.

School days turn into work days.

Weekends turn into work days.

It's called growing up.

It happens slowly

and before you notice,

you're driving around

trying to find where you belong

which is Nowhere and

Everywhere all at the same time.

And people keep calling you

asking for help and guidance

but you're just as lost,

and you realise....

That's what life is about:

Being Lost.

But the world keeps on spinning

and changing, faster than you.

The number of candles grow

as the wicks get smaller.

Friends turn into lovers 

and lovers turn into nothing.

The world keeps on shrinking

as your circle falls away,

and you have to learn to cope

in the ever-changing world

of an adult wishing to be a child.

It's called growing up.