To think [not] of you

Every day I feel a little less

For you

I hurt a little less

For you

The gape that you left has been 

Filled in

The absence of your touch

Forgotten.

The memories become a bit more blurred

I become a little stronger

A little more independent.

To think there was a time when I thought of nothing but you.

What a waste of my time.

I look at photographs of you, of your happiness and feel content... or not content, but clear.

Clear of my feelings, clear of the hurt, clear of the jealousy.

I feel clear to love myself without you

I feel indifferent towards you

A passerby on the street

A reflection in a window

A vague inkling of a moment

Oh, to be finally free.

You made it look easy

You're the reason I keep stalling.
You're the reason I keep falling.
You're the reason I am crawling.
You're the reason I keep calling.

You're the reason I'm broken inside.
Taped together to stop my cries.
You made it so easy to leave my side.
You made it look easy to forget my eyes.

There was a turning point I thought I could make,
I watched for you to turn but you weren't even awake.
You never looked back, not even a fake.
I prayed for you to care, but there was nothing at stake.

I chased after you instead. It made me look weak.
Desperate even, the outlook seemed bleak.

I didn't care.

I hugged you and you didn't hug me back.
I apologised though I did nothing wrong.
I thought this was the moment where we could fix all the bad.
But this was just the moment where everything was gone.

It was always me, asking and wanting.
It was always me, pushing and prodding.
You didn't make an effort, you didn't want to stay.
The signs were all there but I looked the other way.

I chased after you, but it didn't seem fair.

The truth was, you just...
                                                              didn't care.

History Repeats

I'm stuck on repeat
I'm losing my nerve
I wish that you had me
instead of this girl
I'm doing it wrong
It doesn't make sense
I wish I had you and
that life made sense

History repeats
I'm doing it wrong
again and again
I keep going along
full of regrets
tell me the price
I've ruined it all
give me advice

If history repeats
if history is wrong
I'll make it again
I'll go it alone
I'm stuck on repeat
I'm losing my nerve
if history repeats
i'll be out on the curb.