You made it look easy

You're the reason I keep stalling.
You're the reason I keep falling.
You're the reason I am crawling.
You're the reason I keep calling.

You're the reason I'm broken inside.
Taped together to stop my cries.
You made it so easy to leave my side.
You made it look easy to forget my eyes.

There was a turning point I thought I could make,
I watched for you to turn but you weren't even awake.
You never looked back, not even a fake.
I prayed for you to care, but there was nothing at stake.

I chased after you instead. It made me look weak.
Desperate even, the outlook seemed bleak.

I didn't care.

I hugged you and you didn't hug me back.
I apologised though I did nothing wrong.
I thought this was the moment where we could fix all the bad.
But this was just the moment where everything was gone.

It was always me, asking and wanting.
It was always me, pushing and prodding.
You didn't make an effort, you didn't want to stay.
The signs were all there but I looked the other way.

I chased after you, but it didn't seem fair.

The truth was, you just...
                                                              didn't care.

silence

For us,
Silence was everything.
We didn't fill it with just anything  
Only the most important and
Precious things.
We filled our silence with
Our heartbeats
Our breaths
The sound the rain made outside as it hits the Ground.
We didn't need noise
Or clutter
Or meaningless babble.
We only needed silence.
And in that, we told each other
Everything.
It filled the spaces between us
And between the gaps in our hearts
And around our rib cages
And filled the spaces in our heads where
We didn't know there were spaces before.
Our silence spoke to us
And it revealed our souls.
It revealed us.

sweet senses

I like the taste of brewed coffee to heighten my senses each morning.
I like the taste of your tongue as it mixes with mine.

I like the smell of a freshly peeled mandarin as it clings to my fingers.
I like the smell of your cologne hanging onto your skin.

I like the touch of my warm coat as I throw it over my shoulders.
I like the touch of your hands underneath it that chill me to my core.

I like the sound of my favourite song coming on the radio.
I like the sound of you calling Bye, Darling to me as I leave.

I like the look of the sun rising, slowly getting brighter as I drive on.
I like the look of you standing there, ruffled hair and pants hanging low.

I like the feeling I get when I think of you, when I think of coming home to you.
I like the feeling you give me when I know I'll see you soon.

Every morning and every evening, for the rest of our lives.

Good morning, Darling.

Like Crazy

My heart isn't in my rib cage where it used to be
And it's not on my sleeve where I left it.
Somewhere down the line I gave it away

To someone who needed it more than me.
I didn't even realise what I was doing
Or how I was affecting myself and them.
Sometimes you just do things because
They must be done.
And they must be done now.

Sometimes all I want to do is be with you.
The waiting around kills me but I know this is
Next to nothing of what I put you through.
So I deserve it. All of it. I know.
But knowing that only makes it mildly better.

I have so much free time now
And I spend it thinking of you
And what we would be doing right now if you were here.
I think about the future. Our future.
And I imagine me making you pancakes in our kitchen
And cuddling up on our couch, in our house,
Watching reruns of Doctor Who.
And I think about how I got here but I don't remember.
You have become my obsession.
And I know I have become yours.

My Lullaby

I want to fall asleep talking to you

Listening to the sound of your voice

Tickle my ears and warm my insides.

I want to melt under your touch

As you trace patterns on my skin

Down my back, across my arms

Gently dancing delicately through my mind

As I drift off into nothingness.

This is my lullaby.

You are my lullaby.

Liar

I did not tell him that I loved him.
He knew I did but doesn't know I do.
I wanted to ask about his day
But I sat there, thinking it too soon.

I did not tell him of the cheating.
He only knew about half the truth.
I did not mention all the tears.
I did not think I owed him proof.

I did not tell him that I lied
About the things I used to do.
I did not tell him of the anger
That I felt towards him too.

I did not tell him of the presents
That I put so much time into.
I did not tell him of the presence
He made in my life on cue.

All these things I did not share with him
Seem awful all at once.
But I wanted to protect him
From all the hurtful things I'd done.

I guess that's why it ended
And why it never would have last.
For I am a great, big Liar
And he was nothing but the past.

Small Moments

Listen

we sit in bed reading

there is a space between us

as we nudge towards the light

transfixed by our own stories

but play footsies under the covers

I turn to him and smile

as his eyes move slowly from his 

page to meet mine

I kiss him like the protagonist kissed 

her prince in the book I'm reading

I want him in that moment

I want our story to be in a book

to be remembered for all the 

small moments we make

in our ever-vast universe of Life.