Truth Hurts

 I was your friend for convenience

You were my friend for real

We spoke our secrets in whispers

We shook hands on our deal

Every day we'd share our lives

round and round on a wheel

The inside jokes turned icey

And looks we used to steal

Halted like a stop sign

Broken from the ordeal

The storm clouds followed above me

They're all that I could feel

 I was your friend for convenience

You were my friend for real

Now I know the truth of it

Now I can begin to heal

To think [not] of you

Every day I feel a little less

For you

I hurt a little less

For you

The gape that you left has been 

Filled in

The absence of your touch

Forgotten.

The memories become a bit more blurred

I become a little stronger

A little more independent.

To think there was a time when I thought of nothing but you.

What a waste of my time.

I look at photographs of you, of your happiness and feel content... or not content, but clear.

Clear of my feelings, clear of the hurt, clear of the jealousy.

I feel clear to love myself without you

I feel indifferent towards you

A passerby on the street

A reflection in a window

A vague inkling of a moment

Oh, to be finally free.

You made it look easy

You're the reason I keep stalling.
You're the reason I keep falling.
You're the reason I am crawling.
You're the reason I keep calling.

You're the reason I'm broken inside.
Taped together to stop my cries.
You made it so easy to leave my side.
You made it look easy to forget my eyes.

There was a turning point I thought I could make,
I watched for you to turn but you weren't even awake.
You never looked back, not even a fake.
I prayed for you to care, but there was nothing at stake.

I chased after you instead. It made me look weak.
Desperate even, the outlook seemed bleak.

I didn't care.

I hugged you and you didn't hug me back.
I apologised though I did nothing wrong.
I thought this was the moment where we could fix all the bad.
But this was just the moment where everything was gone.

It was always me, asking and wanting.
It was always me, pushing and prodding.
You didn't make an effort, you didn't want to stay.
The signs were all there but I looked the other way.

I chased after you, but it didn't seem fair.

The truth was, you just...
                                                              didn't care.

History Repeats

I'm stuck on repeat
I'm losing my nerve
I wish that you had me
instead of this girl
I'm doing it wrong
It doesn't make sense
I wish I had you and
that life made sense

History repeats
I'm doing it wrong
again and again
I keep going along
full of regrets
tell me the price
I've ruined it all
give me advice

If history repeats
if history is wrong
I'll make it again
I'll go it alone
I'm stuck on repeat
I'm losing my nerve
if history repeats
i'll be out on the curb.

In My Veins

The last time I saw him, he was broken.
His insides had leaked out
and I saw him for what he now was—
For what he had always been.

I cut him away, like he had cut me;
I had copied him like a machine.
I followed in his footsteps, like I always had.
I was pasted in his veins and I should have known
that he was stuck for all eternity in mine.

He still looked beautiful as he bled into my heart.
He still looked astounding as I tried to sew him back together.
Nothing worked and I was left with a shadow;
a mere image of him that used to be so much more.

We had dreamt. We had imagined our lives.
He told me his last stories for the last time
as I watched him speak his last words,
and then finally . . . his last breath.

I felt the privilege and then I felt the guilt.
I held his torn heart as his love overflowed.
It was too late though.

He was in my veins
and there was no getting him out.
He was the love of my life
and I had watched him drown.

Liar

I did not tell him that I loved him.
He knew I did but doesn't know I do.
I wanted to ask about his day
But I sat there, thinking it too soon.

I did not tell him of the cheating.
He only knew about half the truth.
I did not mention all the tears.
I did not think I owed him proof.

I did not tell him that I lied
About the things I used to do.
I did not tell him of the anger
That I felt towards him too.

I did not tell him of the presents
That I put so much time into.
I did not tell him of the presence
He made in my life on cue.

All these things I did not share with him
Seem awful all at once.
But I wanted to protect him
From all the hurtful things I'd done.

I guess that's why it ended
And why it never would have last.
For I am a great, big Liar
And he was nothing but the past.

[You were] a rose

You were a rose

Wound tightly around my heart

I was captured by your sweet

Smell and the red of your

Petals and the soft brushes of your

Leaves. That I didn't notice

Your thorns digging in

Until I had to pull them out

By myself. One by one...